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Veganizing “Friends”: CANDY LADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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PictureYES CANDY LADY!!!

      YES CANDY LADY!!! Folks, we’ve come to the point in this veganization of “Friends” journey when we get to celebrate one of the greatest things Monica ever made, yet remember that she acted kind of annoyingly in this episode. Maybe I just have no patience for rude people, but I always wanted her to show some moxie and punch her neighbors. Anyway! Enough violence, now onto the candy! 
       Remember the episode aptly named “The One With All The Candy”? Yeah you do! Monica thought that she should really get to know her other neighbors, not just the other Friends across the hall. She decided that making homemade candy and putting it in a basket outside her door would do the trick. At first, it works like a charm…but then the neighbors get quite boorish, and near abusive. Refresh your memory:

    It’s totally worth watching the whole video, isn’t it? You also get to see (at 0:40) my favorite Ross line of the whole episode: “Mine stole my newspaper; it’s like a crime wave!” He’s such a nerd. Anyway, as you saw, the building residents have absolutely no sense of social decency and could really use a punch in the face. But…maybe our little Harmonica’s candy was really so good and so addictive that, without it, the neighbors experienced drug withdrawal. Our task today is thus to make THE GREATEST candy that could turn otherwise nice, well-behaved citizens into DEMONIC BARBARIANS. Let’s doooo it! 

PictureOne pecan-pretzel cluster, pre-fridge

      Last week, when I made “that wonderful nutty cakey pie thing“, I had such good feedback from its eaters that I figured I should incorporate some of the same delicious components here. The candied pecan caramel was a hit, so we’re making that again. Then, we’re also going to melt chocolate with Speculoos. We’ll increase the awesomeness with some crumbled flat pretzels, and mix it all together for a crunchy kind of Speculoos-pecan-caramel-chocolate turtle! To quote Monica, I KNOW!!! 

PECAN CARAMEL!
Ingredients:

  • 8oz. raw/plain pecans, crushed
  • 1C vegan butter
  • 1C brown sugar
  • splash of almond milk

Directions:

  1. Put the butter, sugar, and milk in a saucepan. 
  2. Bring to a boil, stirring constantly, and lower to medium heat while stirring in the pecans.
  3. Cook on medium-low heat, stirring, for about 10 minutes
  4. Remove from heat and let cool for about 10 minutes. It should stiffen up.

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This may be my new favorite thing. When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeeeling saaaad…

SPECULOOS CHOCOLATE!
Ingredients:

  • 8 oz. chocolate
  • 1/2C Speculoos (or peanut butter!)

Directions:

  1. Melt!

  
    Extra funGather some pretzels, preferably flat pretzels because they are the best, and while your caramel is cooling, dip your pretzels in the chocolate! (& lay on a baking sheet covered in parchment paper.) I started submerging the whole thing, but realized it’s not only easier to do half but it also looks nicer! 


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The most delicious side project ever
    Do you feel like you don’t have control over the volume of your voice anymore? Are you starting to act mean towards nice people? No? Let’s keep going.

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TO ASSEMBLE:

  • Start by spooning a thin circle of chocolate onto the parchment paper-lined baking sheet. This will help the cluster stay together once cooled. 
  • Cover that circle with the pecan caramel
  • Top that with some crushed pretzels (the pieces in the picture are a bit big for this, but shown for effect, like on cereal boxes).
  • Cover the whole cluster with chocolate
  • Throw the baking sheet in the refrigerator for a few hours.


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Pre-refrigeration, when it’s all melty, it’s almost as good as post-refrigeration

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Finished product. I like how the chocolate layer on the bottom of that back one makes it look like a spaceship
    So, this is the best candy I’ve ever made. I think Monica would be proud! I hope my neighbors don’t turn on me, though my mom already went into the fridge and ate the still-warm pieces. It’s quite addictive. Try making it yourself, and play around with the add-ins! Also definitely on your to-do list? Watching this Joey gif over and over:
Giveaway trivia:

  1. What was one nickname the gang had for a not-so-well-known neighbor?
  2. In Rachels’ b-story this episode, she wrote a very inappropriate review of Tag that accidentally went to human resources. What was Tag’s nickname in this review?
  3. Why does Phoebe get mad at Ross this episode?
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