Berlin Food Guide: Eat Like A Hobbit And You Shall Be Rewarded

Dearly beloved, we’re gathered here to discuss East London’s relatively new fancy joint named Plates. I know, it’s getting hard to keep up with all the new vegan dishes, stalls, and restaurants in London, with something exciting seemingly popping up on our radar every day. I’m not that hungry guyzzz can we take it down a notch? My husband thinks I’m weird because I prefer cooking my own food or eating salads (and he thinks I’m extra weird because I’m okay with calling just a bowl of lettuce a ‘salad’ and he says that’s not okay that’s just lettuce anyone have an opinion on this nope okay moving on). But then on the other hand, well on my other hand right now I have a cut from where I knifed myself while making some of my aforementioned ‘own food’ which I guess is a point in the column for ‘going out more’ but ANYWAY, on the other figurative hand, I do want to try everything because as I recently explained to aforementioned husband about why I was forcing him to watch the worst movie ever written, “Sex & the City 2”, you can’t complain about things you haven’t seen. Applied to the topic at hand: you can’t recommend things you haven’t eaten. The former argument is more my speed because y’all know how much I loves complaining (LOVES IT) but the latter is nice to do too, and although I have some caveats about my recent dinner at Plates, I do recommend trying it for yourself.

You need some background info before just rocking up to this place, because well you can’t do that. To build off of the uncanny and undeniable feeling of exclusiveness that most of Shoreditch and the near surrounds gives off (not to mention the ‘you can’t sit with us’ vibe that seems to emanate from the invisible pores of most of its inhabitants), Plates is open to plebeians like us only on Saturday nights, only at three seating times, and of course only by reservation. From the sibling duo of Kirk and Keeley Haworth, Plates is one of the few places that is entirely vegan and doing fancy tasting menu dinner, the kind we see usually at Michelin starred places. That makes sense, because head chef Kirk (“God bless Kirk!”) and artistic director Keeley clearly learned something from their father, renowned Michelin-starred chef Nigel. Plates is also one of the many places nowadays that doesn’t use the word vegan, because it scares people, and instead calls themselves ‘plant-based’. I despise the phrase plant-based for many reasons, and while I do understand that it’s less intimidating to the ignorant masses, it also is unclear, weaselly, and ripe for corruption. In fact, I’ve seen corruption already. Companies have learned that ‘plant-based’ has the healthy allure of veganism without the aura of strictness that turns some idiots off and so I have seen goods and products with the ‘Plant-based!’ stamp on them that happen to have a plant ingredient but aren’t vegan. Like they’ll contain apples or spinach or oats or something but then also milk and egg or whatever, so they are technically based around a plant –> plant-based. I KNOW! God I hate people. Luckily Plates is entirely vegan so this rant is unfair to put in a review of their food but I just really want that phrase to stop being such a little bitch. Well most of all I want people to stop being afraid of the word ‘vegan’ but let’s try to keep our wishes realistic. 

Anyway so we heard about Plates and we were like we love fancy dinners (see e.g. the Vegan Michelin series) we gotta go! We booked our table via their website, which as you can see is the type where you book your table by paying for your dinner in advance. I know that sounds terrifying (what if you can’t go after all and you’ve already paid ahhh) but it is really awesome to finish eating and then just get to leave, especially in London where customer service is hilarious and you can wait for hours trying to get someone’s attention just to be able to GIVE THEM MONEY. Anyway, so I approve of the pay-in-advance system Plates is doing. We ironed out details with Keeley, who is very responsive over email which makes a nice change from well everyone else in the world, for their first offered seating – 8pm. I know, I had to eat dinner like a normal young-ish person living in a big city and not like I already moved to Boca.

Plates is located in a lovely little upstairs room on Kingsland Road right near the Hoxton overground station. The entrance is down a little alley off of Kingsland, actually, but luckily a waiter was at the entrance and saw us looking into a salon confusedly and saved us. There’s lots of steps up to the dining room, and I forgot to ask about accessibility but given how most of this city is, I doubt it. It’s a clean and simple space, as you can see in the picture above. Everyone eating there seems a whole lot cooler than you, as is usual in this area. One girl was literally wearing a long thin black robe like they give you when you get a haircut and I was like um hon but then it had a designer name emblazoned across the back and so I was like ‘oh I bet she’s an artist’ and I bet long thin black salon robes become the next big thing. 

Because of the whole pay-beforehand thing, you also pay for whatever drink pairing you want in advance. Husbo P had a wine pairing and I had a soft pairing. Although I am content to always be drinking water, I forking love it when restaurants offer a soft drink pairing for those of us who don’t  drink and/or think wine tastes off. They brought us tall glasses of yellow juice to start, I think mine was pineappley and Z’s was the same but with alcohol, and it was nice and refreshing. Most important, they brought this:

THAT’S RIGHT BITCHES I GOT A PITCHER OF WATER! My favorite thing. I don’t know why some restaurants think it’s fine to give a thimble of a water glass and then disappear for the entire meal but luckily Plates is doing things the smart way. And they were very good about replacing it, so huzzahs are in order.

Our first course was what I think is called their Plates Slammer – a sharp shrub-like beetroot shot with a tiny wedge of pineapple and basil salt. You’re supposed to eat the pineapple and then drink the vinegary juice…or maybe you’re supposed to drink the juice and then sweeten down with the fruit. We both heard different things so we ate this in different ways so one of us was wrong but we both liked it. It’ll definitely wake you up, which at 8pm I needed. 

This intro course also contained little potato bites – it was heritage potato (yes thank you my heritage is potato), pickled shallot, avocado, and nori. I definitely got potato and I definitely got pickled shallot, and while I definitely don’t get why these two items were paired together when they don’t really go together, they were all pretty good! As you’ll see, the plating was beautiful and even more, the plates themselves were gorgeous. When we mentioned this to each other Z was like ‘well yeah in a place called ‘Plates’ the plates better be good.’ True true.

Next was a mixed up little dare I say salad of young leeks, green grapes, and cress. I love the addition of tiny little sour grapes here to offer some bite. It was a lovely little light green pile, my favorite kind of food pile. 

Next came my other favorite food, bread. Actually, it was licorice bread, with a subtle hint of that flavor, just enough to make things interesting but not enough to be weird. It was really nice and it was still warm. The bread came with a carrot puree, which I love using instead of butter or oil because why not get another vegetable in there, and some crackery flatbread jawn that was fine but nothing special and I would have eaten more licorice bread instead if poss. 

As you can see, the drinks in my soft pairing were beautiful in color. This one was probably my favorite although I can’t tell you much about it other than it was pink. And it probably had beet? 

Next was their take on the soup course. We had a bowl full of peas, mint, and spring leaves, and the waiter came over with hot dashi (a seaweed) broth and poured it into the bowls. I love table-side theatrics! We both really love fresh peas so we were pretty pleased when we realized that there were more than just the few that floated up to the surface, there were a ton in the bottom of that bowl. Yay peas! It was a very tasty, very simple, kind of refreshing little soup to have before the heavier main. 

The main was a ‘pot roast cabbage’, braised and cooked into a meat-like hunk of…hunk of…burning love served with a crispy little layered potato and various purees. The white chunks on the side are I think turnip, which this country forking loves, or parsnips maybe, one of those nips. The green sauce was great and though you can’t see it under that awesome crispy purple latticework, the cabbage was really good. If I’m at a restaurant and they tell me my main was going to be a giant slab of cabbage I’d probably be concerned or angry but this was surprisingly delicious and satisfying. We were both impressed. The little potato jawn was the best part because was the exact size and shape of a Kit Kat, complete with the similar thin little layers. Lots of attention to detail there. The menu says there is ‘butterbean’ in this dish somewhere but I’m not sure where. In the sauce? 

And that brings us to the main problem I had with Plates – the lack of protein. Yes they are focused on presenting vegetables in tasty, beautiful ways, but without using beans or tofu or seitan or tempeh or even really nuts, it’s clear that something is missing. This meal looked, tasted, and felt in every way like many of the Michelin-starred meals we’ve eaten over years. In fact, things were extremely similar to our latest two (which I haven’t written about yet because I haven’t written those travel guides yet), Wickens in Tasmania and Il Gallo d’Oro in Madeira. All of these were fantastic meals so this is overall praise for Plates, but at those omnivorous restaurants going out of their way to accommodate vegans, you expect that they will present plants in incredible ways but won’t be able to do too much protein-wise. (I know, I’m extremely generous with people who are forking Michelin-starred.) But when it’s a restaurant specifically for all vegan food, it seems like an obvious gaping hole to overlook that. So part of me is surprised, because this is an entirely vegan restaurant that should know better, but most of me is really not surprised because this isn’t coming from traditional vegan chefs (or, to my knowledge, even vegan people). They set out with Plates to create plant-based creative cuisine, and they really did focus on that ‘plant’ part. Maybe that’s why they are avoiding the v word and just saying plants plants plants. And they do really nice things with vegetables, but when veganism has made the leaps and bounds it has in the past decade, with omnivore-fooling sausage and pourable vegan eggs just to name things from the past week, this kind of food feels dated. It’s delicious for the most part, but it isn’t exciting in this current age of veganism. It’s what similar calibre restaurants have been doing for years.

Fortunately, dessert eased some of my disappointment at this realization. The coconut cacoa trifle was my favorite part, and it was almost like they heard my complaints and whipped up a dessert that was better than that at most of the aforementioned fancy meals. It’s not much to look at in the first picture so I’m sharing an inside look. 

You know what I usually am given, right? If you’ve read this blog you know all about how vegans are usually given fruit sorbet, or fruit AND sorbet, at fancier restaurants. (It’s not cute.) So getting chocolate cake covered in coconut cream was a real treat! And, it was delicious. It was served on a bed of rhubarb goop and meadowsweet, which I learned in Aussie is an herb, and it was good but I would have been fine with just the cake and cream. They did a really great job here, and maybe I’m just over-excited because it was not sorbet and it was chocolate, but still, ace. 

Dinner at Plates was lovely, and at only 40 pounddollars it’s a pretty good deal for such fanciness. The protein issue is a real issue for me, it being a vegan meal. But if you treat it like other similar non-vegan fancy places, it doesn’t disappoint. 

Plates, London, England, United Kingdom, Europe for right now
Water speed: They gave me a pitcher, and refilled it promptly every time I emptied it. I am happy. 
Service: Nice overall. They didn’t talk too much about the food or drinks which is fine, but sometimes seemed too little.
Bathrooms: There is one stall for men and one for women with a shared sink and it’s the tiniest sink I’ve ever seen but they were clean and nice so okay. And they had paper towels which is a nice change. I know it’s bad for the environment but sometimes I don’t want to stand for a minute at a hot air machine okay. 
Food: Very nice, creative use of vegetables, and not enough use of protein. The menu apparently changes often so perhaps if you go it will be better.
Bonus: It’s really cool to have a place like this, fancy but kind of casual at the same time, with nice food for not too much money. That they only serve people once per week makes it seem very exclusive and important to catch. 

*This post is part of a series in which I eat fancy Michelin-starred meals and then brag about it. 

Unlike all the other posts in this series, this meal was completely impromptu. On a recent Friday, Husband and I met up in Shoreditch (our old but always hood) after work and thought, where on earth/Shoreditch/Most Popular Land for Hipsters on a Friday Night at prime time will we be able to eat dinner without a reservation? Oh, I’m sorry, without a ‘booking’. (Okay this is one I’m actually starting to say though, eek. Choosing my battles.) Most of the cool places book up way in advance, the others (like Dishoom) forcing you to line up for hours like you’re waiting for the latest iPhone. While walking around somewhat aimlessly, we walked past Lyle’s, which is right across from the BoxPark and the overground station. Lyle’s opened relatively recently and was virtually immediately awarded a Michelin star. For dinner, it offers a set tasting menu, and books up in advance. We knew it was totally booked but figured it was worth asking. You don’t ask, you don’t get, as the philosopher Strega Nonna says.

       Armed only with my husband’s knowledge that he thought he saw somewhere that they can accommodate vegans, we asked the host if by any chance there were any cancellations that night. Lo and behold, they had a free table for two open at that very moment! What luck! Next came the follow-up question that I always feel supes awk asking after all the preceding excitement, ‘oh yay thanks amazing um can you feed me?’ On Lyle’s website, they post the daily tasting menu plus a vegetarian version, but it’s usually full of cheese and eggs and stuff, so I figured that for a vegan version, they’d need notice. But he said no problem! No problem! Dance emoji! I hate springing the veganism on a restaurant without giving them prior notice, but they were unfazed. As any professional restaurant should be. Especially one with a Michelin star. I bet with advance warning they could have prepared something even better, but it was a great meal nonetheless.
        After we were seated in the open, airy, totally unassuming dining room (where I could watch the open kitchen from my seat! I can see Russia from my house!), we were brought, without too much delay, a pitcher of tap water. Those who know me know that this is the way to my heart. Strong start. Then we were brought a basket of really good hearty bread. Second way to my heart. My heart was so happy! On to the food!
      Like other Michelinas, Lyle’s usually gives printed menus to each diner. However, since I surprised them, I didn’t get a printed menu, so the following descriptions of the dishes are pure guesses.       

    Normally in these tasting menu meals, we get so full that it hurts before we’re even halfway through. I tend to start either talking like Gizmo or laughing hysterically in a manner akin to how it used to sound signing onto AOL. The great part of Lyle’s is that it’s totally a normal amount of food so you don’t get that hurt. The only thing that happened was that at one point Husband stopped, made a quizzical face, emptied his pockets, and then said, “I have crumbs in my pockets.” I’m still laughing about that one. But now, we still felt like normal people and had room for dessert! 

LYLE’S, SHOREDITCH, LONDON, UK, EUROPE FOR NOW
Water speed: Very impressive for a London restaurant! I wonder if they talked afterwards about how they never had a patron go through so many jugs of water.
Service: Very nice and accommodating, considering I surprised them. Service itself was good for most of the meal, but the second half slowed down a great deal. I think I spent over an hour between finishing the girolles and getting my dessert. A lot of that is because Husband was given an extra dish, but not all of it was that.
Bathrooms: The bathrooms are single serving, one for men and one for women. Like all places with this setup, they should just make it singles for everyone. I don’t get the specifying for gender when it’s single toilets. I mean maybe the men’s has a urinal but it also must have a toilet so come on. They had nice soap but also had that weird pull chain from the ceiling to flush like so many London places do because this city was built a billion years ago and the plumbing is atrosh. This is the most I’ve ever written about toilets and I feel weird.
Food: Overall nice, simple food done very well. Despite it being many courses, it felt non-sickly.
Bonus: Be so cool dining in Shoreditch with all the cool people!