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Seville, Spain: I Did Not Fall Madly in Love with Generalissimo Franco But I Still Had Fun

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Recently, Husband and I spent a weekend in Madrid, and then two weeks later we returned to Spain for an extended trip through Andalusia, because whenever we go to Spain, we go back two weeks later. Not really on purpose, it’s just how our travels always fall and it’s weird but hey we like Spain. If we go to Spain once, we go twice, usually in the same month. But this part of Spain, the southern part, was new to us, although I did spend a weekend during college in Malaga at a resort I found on hostelworld.com for supercheap but I didn’t leave the resort the whole time so it doesn’t really count. Also I was alone at the resort, which was filled with Spanish families and lots of children and everyone stared me and it was the most awkward thing ever. Anyway, we’re not here to talk about that. We are here to talk about something that finally surpassed the awkwardness of that Malaga weekend: Easter week in Seville. See, we didn’t realize that Seville was the epicentre of Easter, not until we were smack dab in the center of the insane crowds and shocking costumes. I don’t know if you know this, but you know Jesus? Hoo boy, he’s big there. And Jesus Fever spreads at similar strengths throughout all of Andalusia, so while I’m just talking about Seville today, the rest of my Andalusia posts will feature similar levels of craycray bananapants.

I was really excited to go to Seville, not just because I thought Andalusia was the fairytale land from “Enchanted” (it’s seriously ONE letter off) so I thought I was getting into some kind of Neverland situation. but also, I always wanted to go to Seville, well, since 1998, when “You’ve Got Mail” came out. That’s where Birdie fell madly in love!! But it wasn’t meant to be. I’m sure you know the unparalleled genius of “You’ve Got Mail” as well as I do but it’s always fun to watch (best at the end): 

PictureAHHHHHHHH oh no you’re fine i guess

Despite not meeting any fascist dictators (my trip to the USA was a month later), I enjoyed the sights of Seville very much, although the timing of our trip made things…interesting. Going during Easter week is not necessarily a bad idea; in fact, Husband loved all the Easter hubbub. I got a little tired of it but I’m still glad I saw things I would not believe if you told me. You have to be prepared to deal with endless crowds that could very well block you from doing what you planned to do that day. Numerous parades happened all day long, all week long, because instead of a measly Monday off to celebrate, Spanish people take the entire week off and probably the one after it too. During the parades and marches, people would cram into the streets like sardines to catch a glimpse of people dressed up…like Klan members. I kid you not. The traditional Spanish Easter costumes that even little children wore look eerily like what white supremacists play dress-up in. They came in ALL COLORS though, not just white. There was black, there was purple and magenta and green and lots of other colors I can easily name but can hardly get over. There’s nothing tying this traditional hey-zeus garb to the worst of American culture, and I’m pretty sure that Jesus, and Spain, came first before neo-Nazis and the American south, so it’s just an unfortunate coincidence if you’re familiar with the latter. As far as I know, the Spanish have no idea that their special costumes remind us of dirty diaper people so there’s no reason to tell them and tarnish what’s clearly their favorite time of year. Because lordy, do they LOVE them some hey-zeus. As Americans, we never got over the shock of seeing these costumes everywhere we looked, but it’s nice to see the pointy hats and not run in fear for your life so like let’s not bother them about it. 

PictureCRUUUUUCIFIIIIXUUUUUS REEEEX COELEEEESTISSSS

There were other costumes too, like these, um, executioner? outfits. In the rest of Andalusia we saw even more variation, including a Teenage Widow costume that I look forward to sharing with you in future posts. Seville had some of the densest crowds though, and the most participants, as you would expect since this was the center of it all. Like I said, we had no idea that Seville was Easter Capital of the World – can you imagine going on vacation and seeing these scenes the entire time? So nuts! It’s a good thing we expected Easter to be big in a hugely Catholic country; we just didn’t know it would be the entire week. Incredible!

   In addition to the costumes, there were parade floats, gilded beyond belief with giant nativity scenes but for Easter, whatever you’d call those. These were some serious floats, and in the tiny, ancient alleyways of Seville, we often wondered how in god’s name they would make it through the narrow passages. I guess with god’s grace. Or by? I don’t know I wasn’t carrying the floats. ​The one pictured below was what we encountered one evening on our way to dinner. Needless to say, we had to pick a different restaurant. 


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this was precarious

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But like I said, there’s plenty of Easter treats in all the other towns we saw in Andalusia, so let’s talk about what makes Seville particularly special. Its history as the cultural and financial capital of southern Spain means it has very important stuff to see. The river, which is either called Guadalajara or LaGuardia, divides it into Sevilla and Triana, and I wish we had more time to spend in Triana because it looked really nice. And crossing the bridge in the evening from one side to the other was so beautiful, and as in most European cities it was my favorite sight.

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we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it oh we’re there
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I forget what this statue is but ME GUSTA MUCHOOO
REAL ALCAZAR
In every city, there’s the big thing to see. Oh I gotta SEE the big f-ing thing! In Seville, it’s the Real Alcazar, not to be confused with the fake one because you say it ‘ray-al’ and it means royal. It’s the old Moorish palace with endless rooms and courtyards and gardens and fountains and really purdy tiled walls and it is really cool. Now this is the pinnacle of that Moorish architecture in Seville I was talking about. It’s a UNESCO World Heritage site (I mean what isn’t these days) and the royal family still uses parts of it when they are in town, which is super weird considering there are hundreds of tourists at all times. The gigantic palace has lots of smaller palaces within it and lots of patios and special historical rooms, and I learned all about them from my audioguide but then forgot everything about them. But pictures! 
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oh look this is a courtyard a what a courtyard
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beautiful tile!
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this might be the Courtyard of the Dolls – or the Courtyard of the Maidens. It could be one of those. But can anyone really ever know
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this ceiling is INCRED
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Oh I remember the audioguide about this facade, the Facade of the Mudejar Palace! It’s clearly an example of Islamic art but its actual existence is a Christian thing
And just when you think you’ve seen all there is to see while you’re inside, you find out that there are like acres and acres of outside gardens and maze-like paths and fountains and it’s so wonderful. 
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I think that is a statue of Mercury which would make this the Mercury pond!
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I love maze-y gardens
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From the Gallery of the Grotesques (!) you get a great view of a lot of the palace and gardens
THE CATHEDRAL OF SEVILLE

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The other big f-ing thing you have to see in Seville is the Cathedral, which is the third largest church in the world, unless you are going by volume and then it’s the biggest, but like, what. Weird fact, Spain. Once you have seen Saint Peter’s, it is hard to get excited about other cathedrals, no matter how much water they can hold. But this was indeed a nice one. I had an audioguide here too but literally not one word stuck around. I believe it was built by the Spanish. OH and Christopher Columbus is buried there so you can spit on him.

THE JEWISH QUARTER 

Pictureold timey map of the jewish quarter don’t mind the flash

OH YEAH now we’re talking! Well, we’ve been talking, because the Jewish Quarter is the main touristy section of Seville and includes the Real Alcazar and the Cathedral so you’re in it allatimes. This was actually the Jewish quarter during medieval times, in both senses of the word (the era and the slang of describing something as so stupid as to be archaic). Ferdinand III (not the one with Isabella) concentrated all the city’s jews in this area because he was so scared of their big strong bodies (lol just kidding) so he thought it would be easier to watch them out of the corner of his eye if they were all in one spot, and then he went to hell. It remained the Jewish Quarter until 1492, when the Alhambra Decree kicked all the Jews out of Spain. This decree came from the later Ferdinand, the one with Isabella, who by the way the Sevillanos ABSOLUTELY ADOOOORE, who were dicks. But Seville loves them, and seriously everywhere we turned there would be some monument or at least sign (and street name) for The Catholic Kings, as they called them. I really like calling them both kings but that’s where any good feeling ends. So the jews were expelled from their homeland as the universe decrees must happen every century, or they converted to Catholicism with their fingers crossed behind their backs so they could stay in their home. People are crappy. Anyway, you can learn all about the long, extended history of hatred for jews in the Centro de Interpretacion Juderia de Sevilla, the small museum in the Jewish Quarter that recounts all the horrid events. It’s not a great museum, as it is mostly lots of writing on walls so you just read and then walk to the next wall section and read more, but the information is put forward nicely. The staff will give you a map of the important parts of the ancient Jewish Quarter so you can walk around the neighborhood and see what happened to the synagogue (it’s a parking lot), the school (it’s a parking lot), the famous jeweler’s (parking lot). 

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OH THIS IS FUN. In the 15th century, you had to prove that you had no Jewish blood in your system in order to hold public office or be a member of an organization. It doesn’t say what kind of organization. Is that ALL organizations? That seems overbroad. Anyway, people are horrendous.

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A much more fun thing to do in this area is to see a flamenco show! A popular place to go – for free! – is Carboneria, mostly because it’s free. You pay your dues by buying food (which is very much not good) or drink (same) but it’s all in good faith, no one watches or forces you to. Anyway, it’s a big cafeteria looking place that gets packed to the gills and a lady dances for a minute and then people play guitar, and then someone sings, and then maybe the lady will dance for another minute. If you can see anything, that’s great, but odds are you can’t see anything. It’s worth it to pay for a really good flamenco show if you have never seen it before. We have, so we kind of just popped in for 30-45 minutes and then said we came, we saw, we tired. 

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This was our view — after we moved seats to get a better view. Somebody somewhere is dancing.
PLAZA DE ESPANA
Plaza de Espana is without a doubt my favorite part of Seville. I guess I don’t love it enough to figure out how to get an accented ‘n’ up in there, but I do really love it. It’s a huge, gorgeous (slightly dilapidated but that’s part of it’s charm?) pavilion that houses government offices both in Spain AND the newer/subpar/NatPo Star Wars movies! Look I was standing where R2 was! 
Despite the various joggers, strollers, and government workers present, the plaza feels sort of serene and special. It’s a beautiful place and I cannot imagine what it’s like for those people who go there every day to work. They probably hate being cooped up inside a boring office even more than most people because they know this lovely spot is just outside the door. We went early our last morning before we walked to the train station to go to (camp) Granada.
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pretty
FOOD AND LODGING

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As for food, I had a long list of places but few worked out, either because they were closed for Easter or we literally just could not get to them because of parades. We pretty much just ate a lot of tapas in the tapas bars – the famous Seville-style gazpacho called Salmorejo was vegan-friendly as far as I could tell. Just like tomatoes and bread and oil pureed. Thinking about it now, I’m actually starting to gag because I had so much of it and got so sick of it, but it’s pretty decent. What is not vegan-friendly at most traditional places, that I was so upset about because I counted on it being my main source of food all week, is espinacas con garbanzos, or spinach and chickpeas. I KNOW. My fave thing. I had it once or twice and it seemed fine, but the third place we had it it was CLEARLY cooked in hot ham water. It was too good to be true to think that it was vegetarian at the super old traditional bars. Oh blergh. My favorite meal was the vegetable paella (pictured) I scored at a restaurant right outside our hotel on a sort of main drag. It was really delicious and I’m so glad I got to have paella! 

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   One of the HappyCow places that did work out was the ridiculously named Coq and Roll Market. The man working was super nice and helpful, and I immediately ordered a great green juice. The best when traveling! Then we had a nice arugula and pecan salad and a hummus sandwich. We kind of got our wires crossed because we (thought we) asked for hummus with crudite, but the sandwich was good and bread is good and everything was good so no complaints. 

One night, when we crossed the bridge into Triana, we chanced upon what I am guessing must be the Mercado de Triana, an upscale food market that was packed with cool people and blasting live music. They had all kinds of stalls, including one preparing vegetable-focused food like this delicious veggie pie. It had really olive oil-y (in a great way) tomatoes and eggplant and stuff on a crumbly crust and it was really good! 
But nothing beats the gelateria (I’m sorry, ‘heladeria’) we found close to that same bridge, a place called Giolatto! They had a whole section of dairy-free ice cream! And everything was perfectly labeled and they said on the sign that there was no cross-contamination, so that way they could advertise to those with allergies. Most importantly, the ice cream I had – dark chocolate and strawberry – was amazing.
Yumm I wish I could have that ice cream (and the paella, if we’re wishing) right now! 
   Seville was full of chance food encounters that turned out to be brilliant, like how a lot of the regular gelaterias in town also had horchata, a sweetened rice milk kind of thing. Horchata is usually vegan, and amazing. I love it so much! 
   We also happened upon these absolutely stellar freshly made potato chips! I’m not a potato chip person at all – I would take tortilla chips over potato chips any day, all day, for as long as I can remember. Just not my thing. However, I would permanently change teams for these hot fresh amazing potato chips. Man aliiive. 
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freshly chipped potatoes!!!
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dance emoji!

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Probably our most favoritest fortuitous food experience was when we randomly found the Ines Rosales store. Ines Rosales is the famous brand of Spanish tortas – thin, crispy, super flaky pastry cracker things made with olive oil and usually sugar and cinnamon or other flavorings and they are addictive beyond belief. You can find them in London in Selfridge’s or a place in Borough Market, with a considerable markup. We are indeed addicted to them so finding their actual store was super exciting for us. And they had flavors we never saw before, from orange to cinnamon to savory thyme and rosemary ones! We haven’t tried the savory ones yet, I don’t know why. Since Seville was the start of our Andalusian adventure, this meant we were carrying around tons of fragile tortas the whole week! We took really good care of them though!

PictureThis is what the hotel looked like inside! So cool! But so hard to navigate correctly!

As for lodging, we stayed in the heart of the Jewish Quarter at the Las Casas de la Juderia, which was gorgeous if super confusing. From the front, it looks like a regular hotel off a main street, but it’s like 15 different buildings on this somehow huge piece of land in the middle of the city, and it’s hard to go through the winding little inner-hotel paths to find your correct building but it’s SO cool. It’s such a beautiful place, and they had a pool! I mean it was the coldest pool I have ever ever tried to go in but still, yay for pools! The wifi did not reach the rooms, which sucked, but that’s the only drawback. It’s a really cool place and it was nice to be right smack in the middle of everything in such a great city. ​I really enjoyed it and would definitely be willing to go back. I’m curious about how different it is when it is not Easter!

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did not see Antonio no no too sexy too sexy!
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