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Academy Award Prediction/Rant Time!!

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      It’s Oscar weekend! Yay! That means it’s high time for me to decide what I’m rooting for and what I think will win. More importantly, I will share what my list of ideal nominees would have looked like in each category. By ‘each’ I mean the main six categories because I am powerful sick and looking forward to taking Night Nurse (“AH AH AH Fighter of the Day Nurse!”), which is actually the name of a Nyquil sort of thing here in the UK. I think that’s hilarious. Anyway, back to the Oscars: Let me know if you agree, disagree, are hungry, bored, whatever, I’d prob be interested. I hope you plan on watching! Neil Patrick Harris is hosting, and if there’s any justice, he will begin with a great big flashy musical number that will bring joy to all viewers and let us forget the inanity of the bullshit that will inevitably follow. 
       My choices for what I want to win are in bold. 

BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR 
Actual Nominees

  • AMERICAN SNIPER
  • BIRDMAN (OR THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE) 
  • BOYHOOD 
  • THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL 
  • THE IMITATION GAME 
  • SELMA 
  • THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING 
  • WHIPLASH 
Better Nominees

  • BOYHOOD
  • THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL or SELMA
  • THE JUDGE
  • INTO THE WOODS or INTERSTELLAR
  • WHIPLASH
        First things first: What the hell is up with Birdman’s title? It’s pretentious and I hate typing it. I’m not going to type it again. 
        Secondly. If I were in charge of things, my first order of business would be to change it back to five nominees, across the board, across all categories, across all award shows. The more nominees, the less it means. Also, the expansion in the Oscars was in response to the lack of room for movies like “The Dark Knight”, action movies that were just as good as artsy movies. But the expansion hasn’t reflected that, obviously, because “Interstellar” would be included. It’s only made room for more artsy stuff, or crap. And it means more to be not nominated for Best Picture than it does to actually be nominated because so many are in. And that’s just confusing to say! 
       So if we were back to 5 nominees, I would definitely include Boyhood, and I would definitely include Whiplash (which had zero flaws) from the original list. And then I would add one of my favorites, The Judge. But this is where it gets really difficult – so difficult that I can’t even decide and I’m putting two choices for two slots! But see, IT SHOULD BE DIFFICULT. You should not just fill a bunch of spots with all the movies that are sort of good. It should mean something! But anyway, the 7 above are the most deserving. I am rooting for Boyhood because it was so well done, so meaningful, and so unique. The Best Picture of the Year should go to something that in 50 years people can recall without the internet, or whatever we get information from in the future, and nod knowingly in recognition and respect. Boyhood is the one that actually chronicles people’s growth, emotionally and physically, over a huge chunk of their lives. Nothing else on this list has the necessary import to win.

ACHIEVEMENT IN DIRECTING
Actual Nominees

  • BIRDMAN: Alejando G. Inarritu 
  • BOYHOOD: Richard Linklater 
  • FOXCATCHER: Bennett Miller
  • THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL: Wes Anderson
  • THE IMITATION GAME: Morten Tyldum

Better Nominees

  • BOYHOOD: Richard Linklater 
  • GRAND BUDAPEST: Wes Anderson
  • THE IMITATION GAME: Morten Tyldum
  • INTERSTELLAR: Christopher Nolan
  • SELMA: Ava DuVernay
      Directing is where I definitely think Christopher Nolan should have been nominated. He does good work. I’m going to keep Imitation Game in here because a) it was very impeccably done and b) the director sounds like a scary Game of Thrones character so I don’t want to piss him off. Ava DuVernay definitely deserved to be nominated, not to make history, but because her work was outstanding. Wes Anderson is just amazing but I’m hoping TGBH will win for cinematography (I bet it loses to Birdman though for its shaky hand Blair-Witch-style camerawork!). Linklater deserves this! 

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE 
Actual Nominees

  • MARION COTILLARD: Two Days, One Night
  • FELICITY JONES: The Theory of Everything
  • JULIANNE MOORE: Still Alice
  • ROSAMUND PIKE: Gone Girl 
  • REESE WITHERSPOON: Wild

Better Nominees

  • MARION COTILLARD or FELICITY JONES
  • JENNIFER ANISTON: Cake
  • JULIANNE MOORE: Still Alice
  • ROSAMUND PIKE: Gone Girl 
  • REESE WITHERSPOON: Wild
        The absence of recognition for Jennifer Aniston’s superb work in Cake is a huge problem here. Her performance was stunning (she was not) and she deserved to be nominated. Now, instead of who, I’m not sure, because I didn’t get to see Marion’s movie. Considering Marion made Nine almost watchable, I would be willing to bet big that she was phenomenal. Felicity was truly wonderful and lovely too, but just not in a very Oscar-y role. So one of them has to go. They can decide on their own. If I were Felicity, I would want Marion to step down because she already has an Oscar. If I were Marion, I would want Felicity to step down because she’s 12 years old. 
        Rosamund, hot damn was she fantastic, frightening, f-ing nuts and just perfect perfect casting. Reese made Wild a decent movie and told a story with barely any words. But I’m hoping beyond hope that Julianne Moore will finally win an Oscar. She is the coolest. And her performance in Still Alice was breathtaking. That movie is also perfect Oscar bait. At the Q&A I went to with her a few weeks ago, the moderator (IDIOT) asked her if this year was any more exciting or if she’s used to the Oscar pomp and circumstance, as she is so often there as a nominee. Julianne clarified that she hasn’t been nominated for an Oscar in 13 years! Isn’t that crazy and terrible? Let’s have her win please. Deserves it. 

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Actual Nominees

  • STEVE CARELL: Foxcatcher
  • BRADLEY COOPER: American Sniper
  • BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH: The Imitation Game
  • MICHAEL KEATON: Birdman
  • EDDIE REDMAYNE: The Theory of Everything

Better Nominees

  • STEVE CARELL: Foxcatcher
  • BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH: The Imitation Game
  • BILL MURRAY: St. Vincent
  • DAVID OYELOWO: Selma
  • EDDIE REDMAYNE: The Theory of Everything
    Who knew Steve Carell was such a good dramatic actor? His unbelievable performance was the best thing about Foxcatcher. But he and Rosamund can win special ‘you haunt my nightmares’ awards while hopefully the lead Oscar winners win the ‘you portrayed disability and the degeneration of disease really well’ awards. That means I’m rooting for Redmayne, who really was spectacular as Stephen Hawking, both as a young, healthy college student and as the modern day scientist we know. I’m well aware of how Michael Keaton’s resurgence with Birdman is a huge deal and he was very good in it, but I wasn’t blown away by his playing himself, pretty much. If we’re nominating an older beloved actor in his first dramatic role in a while, then that slot should have gone to Bill Murray’s wonderful performance. Bandersnatch was great and will win in the future, so he can stay. Oyelowo was fantastic and it’s ludicrous that a solid performance of Martin Luther King isn’t a sure bet for an Oscar nom anymore. It’s like up is down. 

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A
SUPPORTING ROLE
Actual Nominees

  • PATRICIA ARQUETTE: Boyhood
  • LAURA DERN: Wild
  • KEIRA KNIGHTLEY: The Imitation Game
  • EMMA STONE: Birdman
  • MERYL STREEP: Into the Woods

Better Nominees

  • PATRICIA ARQUETTE: Boyhood
  • EMILY BLUNT: Into the Woods
  • JESSICA CHASTAIN: whatever she was in
  • KEIRA KNIGHTLEY: The Imitation Game
  • MERYL STREEP: Into the Woods
     Did you see on the BAFTAs when, in his monologue, Stephen Fry (supposedly a genius) referred to Patricia as ‘Rosanna Arquette’? That’s her sister! That’s turrburr. He didn’t correct himself ever either. I want her to win. She really was the heart of Boyhood and was wonderful. Also, judging her past wins this awards season, she seems to have a problem with public speaking, which I LOVE. Like, she’s a professional actress and she can’t do public speaking. That might be my favorite thing ever. She gives the most awkward, uncomfortable speeches but you really pull for her like she’s the little engine that could, or a puppy in a video of puppy fails and you are like just catch the damn ball you poor thing!
     I was initially not a fan of Keira’s nomination, but the more I thought about it slash the more clips I saw of her specific scenes in the Imitation Game, the more I accepted her inclusion. When watching the movie, I thought she wasn’t anything special, but I think that was because all my focus was rightly on Bandersnatch. But Keira really was great and so I apologize for my past words. I love Laura Dern and thought she was really touching in her very small role in Wild, but, although I think her acclaim is deserved, I would include others ahead of her. Emma Stone was great, I know, but she just yelled a lot and smoked and that’s not very hard. It’s hard not to smoke; ask anyone who smoked. And her great scene was mostly due to the camera being positioned like under her chin and at a weird angle that made her Big Eyes-style big eyes even more alien-like and dramatic. Her time will come, she does no wrong. 
    My biggest surprise was that Chastain wasn’t nominated. Chastain is A BALLER. Even in crappy movies like A Most Violent Year, she still manages to awe you. She should have been nominated for that, or for the Eleanor Rigby movies, or for whatever. She’s the best actress of her generation. 
     While Meryl Streep was just having a ball as the Witch in Into The Woods and made us have a ball with her (except for when she made us cry, good job), I also would have included Emily Blunt, who I think was the very best part of that movie. She was perfection as the Baker’s Wife, and that’s the most difficult role in the show. I would also put her in supporting and not lead as the Golden Globes did, partly because all the roles in Into The Woods seem of equal weight and partly because there’s a strong chance anything the Globes does is very wrong and should not be repeated. 

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A 
SUPPORTING ROLE
Actual Nominees

  • ROBERT DUVALL: The Judge
  • ETHAN HAWKE: Boyhood
  • EDWARD NORTON: Birdman
  • MARK RUFFALO: Foxcatcher
  • J.K. SIMMONS: Whiplash


Better Nominees

  • you know what, I’m good
     Unless I’m having a super big brain fart right now, I think I’m actually happy with this category! Praise be! Everyone on this list was superb and gave a performance deserving of a win. I really loved Robert Duvall in The Judge and would have loved for him to win for his crotchetiness, but not this year. Ethan Hawke, despite his failure to age along with the rest of his cast, gave Boyhood its humor and a lot of its heart. Norton played himself and that’s dumb but he was just so darn good at it. His performance was the best part of Birdman or The Movie That Shan’t Be Named. Ruffalo, always great, brought so much depth to his smaller role in Foxcatcher. All these performances were top-notch and Oscary. But J.K. Simmons in Whiplash was THE SHITTTTTTTTT. One of my favorite things in the theatre world is the Drama League Award. These awards honor the season’s best play, best musical, best play revival, and best musical revival. BUT, they only honor ONE acting performance, across all the categories, men, women, supporting, lead, plays, musicals. That is a true honor, and that really means so much, especially when a supporting performance wins. I think that if Hollywood did something like this, Simmons would win this year. Or Julianne Moore. But maybe Simmons! Theatre is the best. 

So that’s all I’m going to say before the Oscars! What do you think? Are you happy, sad, angry? Do you also have a party happening upstairs? Should I write about the telecast if I stay up for it? I’m pretty sure I’ll be okay with anyone winning as long as NPH reenacts some “Hedwig” style audience participation (car washes, making out with a man in the front row, &c.).

 

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