Veganizing “Friends”: “That wonderful, nutty, cakey pie thing…”

For the dough
Ingredients:

• 4 cups white flour
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 3 tablespoons coconut sugar
• 3 tablespoons brown sugar
• 2 tablespoons cornstarch
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup canola oil
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon almond extract
• 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk + 2 tablespoons
• lemon zest from just under 1/2 lemon 

Directions:

1. In a large mixing bowl, mix all the dry ingredients together.
2. In a different bowl or large measuring cup (I like the cup because it’s easier to clean) mix all the wet ingredients. 
3. Add the wet to the dry and mix really well. You can use a stand mixer for all this mixing if you are some crazy fancy person who just has everything. Or you can be awesome like me and make do without equipment like a friggin badass.
4. Divide into 2-3 balls, wrap in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for at least one hour. 
5. Thaw for 30 minutes before use.  

For the caramel
Ingredients:

• 14 oz. coconut milk (I used 3 tablespoons coconut milk powder from the cool Indian shops on Brick Lane mixed into water. This could be why mine is runny. If you use regular coconut milk and it gets thicker let me know.)
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2 tablespoons vegan margarine
• 1/2 tablespoon arrowroot powder

Directions:

1. Mix all ingredients in a saucepan and bring to a boil over medium heat.
2. Lower heat and let simmer uncovered for like 30-40 minutes.
3. Remove from heat and let cool for however long you got. 

ASSEMBLY
– 1 batch above dough
– 1 batch above caramel
– 1 1/2 cups jam of choice (pick rhubarb)

1. Preheat oven to 375F.
2. Roll out the dough to about 1/4 inch thickness. People like to say ‘on a floured surface’ but I like to roll on parchment paper because it’s sooo much easier to clean up. And it’s just easier. Less sticky. Do it my way. 
3. Using a circular thing of about 3-inch diameter (glass, mug, cookie cutter, part from a small blender like I did) to cut out um circles.
4. Place a heaping teaspoon of jam in the center of each circle. 
5. Place 1/2 teaspoon of caramel over the jam. Fold the dough into the triangle shape immediately after placing the caramel so it doesn’t run as far. Fold by pinching the top of the circle into a point, and then pinching the bottom sides into two points. Like a triangle. Or like Haman’s hat, more accurately. 
6. Bake for 15-20 minutes, until dough is golden brown. 
7. Enjoy as you wonder why the celebratory food for this holiday is in memory of the villain. 



     Elli and I also pretty much bought out the bakery case. How beautiful is this! That whole third row is filled with gluten-free goodies, which is cool, but they cost more, which kind of sucks. We spent obscene amounts of money, but everything freezes well, so it’s like an investment! 
      The best Vegan Treats creation is the famous chocolate peanut butter bomb, which you can see in mini form on the top far right. I think mini form might actually be preferable to the full size, because the ratio of peanut butter cream to cake is much higher (i.e., there’s more cream). I don’t know how they make that, but it’s mind-blowingly perfect, light and the right amounts of salty and sweet. 
     At right, you can see the daily specials, which of course we bought and of course were delicious beyond belief. On the left are donut sandwiches filled with Bavarian cream. Man alive these were good. Somehow, the cream was light and thick and left absolutely no aftertaste, as so many vegan creams do. The donut a little sturdier than their other ones, in order to hold all of that cream. So good. On the right are cinnamony-sugary-appley? donut pretzels. Of course these were great, come on. I love soft pretzels so much, and I could get used to one in donut form.