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Berlin Inspirations: Vegan Currywurst Is Almost As Gross As the Real Thing

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     Okay, today’s Berlin Inspiration really IS inspired by specific experiences during my travels! Currywurst, Germany’s favorite fast food, is a fried sausage cut up and served with curry ketchup sauce. Not only was currywurst sold on literally every corner in Berlin, in little hot dog vendor-style carts, but we also got to try vegan currywurst at Voner! So Voner’s was decent, but it was still covered in sweet ketchuppy curry sauce – that’s what makes it currywurst. Are you still wondering why it’s called currywurst? It’s because it’s the worst way to consume curry. Seriously. Currywurst is the food version of Mona Lisa Saperstein. 

No but really, millions of German people can’t be wrong about something sausage related. They’ve been wrong about several really important things, but I’m going to give them weird meat foods. So, it’s probably just me who thinks this is weird. And if that’s the case, well here’s a really easy recipe so you can see whether you like it or whether you agree with me that it’s the currywurst. 

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My first mistake mayyy have been buying something called “soya chunks” from the somewhat shady Indian grocery around the corner. They looked like an interesting sort of dog food when I saw them in the store, but they were cheap and I didn’t feel like spending a lot of money on ready-made vegan sausage. Sometimes it is better to spend more money on things you are going to eat. Anyway, I had high hopes that they would be better once cooked. These hopes were quickly dashed once I opened the bag and smelled, again, the smell of an interesting sort of dog food. I soaked them in water for several hours, which successfully engorged the nuggets but sadly strengthened the weird Kibbles-y smell. So, no matter how or how long I cooked them, they were likely never going to be delicious. But let’s try it anyway, I said! (Or you should just use a better sausage substitute. Like anything.)

CURRYWURST
Ingredients:

  • 1 small onion, diced
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 1 tablespoon curry powder
  • 1 teaspoon paprika
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 2 cups vegan sausage of some sort don’t use what I used because gross
  • 1/3 cup ketchup (ew)

Directions:

  1. Saute the onion in the oil for about 6 minutes. You know how to do this!
  2. Add the curry and paprika and stir for a minute. 
  3. Add the water and the ketchup and mix well. Bring to a boil, then simmer uncovered and let it reduce until thickened. 
  4. If you are using a sausage sub that needs to be cooked, like I did, you can boil it with the sauce. Otherwise, you can pour the sauce over it when it’s done (more authentic). 
  5. If you used a regular kind of vegan sausage or you made your own seitan, brava! Go eat this! If you used soya chunk chow for big dogs instead, don’t eat it. Also don’t give it to dogs. So mean. Dogs are the best. 

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The last time everything was OK.

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Sure, like adding another squirt of ketchup is going to help

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Oh sure add more curry powder, that’s going to make a difference.
How do you feel about currywurst? I would honestly love to know. Have you ever had it in Germany? Have you made your own? What should I do with the rest of my bag of soya chunks? Should I ask for a refund? Enjoy!!!!
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