Veganizing “Friends”: Three Kinds of Potatoes (& Mario’s tots!)

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     Tonight, Ross is getting his lumps. Phoebe is getting her peas and onions. And Mario is getting his tots*. Confused? Don’t be! We’re having three kinds of potatoes! People are needy about their potatoes! But it’s going to be awesome! In continuing this VeganMoFo theme of veganizing food made on “Friends”, we’re looking at the  first ever Thanksgiving episode, “The One Where Underdog Gets Away.” The “Friends” Thanksgiving episodes are usually stellar, and this early installment is no different. Monica is in charge of her first Thanksgiving dinner, and all the Friends are pretty ignorant of how hard she is working. They all make personal requests – Chandler needs his tomato soup and grilled cheese*, Ross needs mashed potatoes with lumps, Phoebe needs her potatoes whipped and with peas and onions, and Joey needs his potatoes in tot form. (Joey is wise.) 

Joey: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don’t see any tater tots.

Monica: That’s not a question.

Joey: But my mom always makes them. It’s like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It’s bad enough I can’t be with my family because of my disease.

Monica: All right, fine. Tonight’s potatoes will be both mashed with lumps, and in the form of tots.

Monica: What, Phoebe, did you whip the potatoes? Ross needs lumps!

Phoebe: Oh, I’m sorry, oh, I just, I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions.

Monica: Why would we do that?

Phoebe: Well, ’cause then they’d be like my mom used to make them, you know, before she died.

Monica: Ok, three kinds of potatoes coming up.


    Of course, Monica complies with these requests. But she kind of freaks out about how much stress she’s under. Watch the below, from 7:30 to 8:01. 
    Poor little Harmonica! And poor little burnt potatoes! Let’s get started cooking, and let’s not burn anything. This is all relatively simple, so we’re not going to give real recipe directions. You’ll be able to do it, I promise.
    POTATOES WITH LUMPS – ROSS

     First, we’ll make Ross’s potatoes, with lumps. Get about 3-4 pounds of potatoes. I really like cooking with a bag of mixed colors, it’s so cheerful! Boil the potatoes until soft, then drain. Add half of those potatoes back into the pot, and add salt, pepper, olive oil or butter, a dash of unsweetened plain almond milk, and mash! Careful – do not overmash, because we need to keep some lumps in there! 

POTATOES WITH PEAS & ONIONS – PHOEBE

     Next, chop up an onion and saute it over medium heat in a bit of olive oil in a saucepan. You know how do to this! I believe in you! After about 5 minutes, add in about 1/2C frozen peas, and cook for about 5 more minutes. 
     Then, in a new pot (or the pot from Ross’s potatoes, if you move them to a bowl), add the remaining 1.5-2 lbs. of potatoes, add your salt, pepper, olive oil or butter, dash of milk. Get your immersion blender or hand-blender out now, because we are going to whip these babies! Once they are really well blended and whipped, add the onions and peas and mix through with a wooden spoon. 
      

          TOTS – JOEY’S

I’m still really beat from my weekend, and from my full week now of being sick, so we’re going to use frozen tots instead of making them from scratch. I bet Trader Joe’s fantastic frozen (and vegan-marked) tots would still trump anything I tried from scratch. They cook really well, for about 20 minutes in a 400° oven. I let them cook an extra 10 minutes because crispy Tots are the work of heaven.

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Purdy taters!
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Am I always sauteing peas and onions?
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Just like Lily would make
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Gotta have my tots, man
So, there you have it! Potatoes with lumps for Ross, tots for Joey, and whipped potatoes with peas and onions for Phoebe. If I had to pick and make just one for Thanksgiving, it would probably be Ross’s. You want a little texture with your mash, right? Phoebe’s are nice too, but other guests would probably be like ‘What’s in my potatoes? Difference, no!” However, for any other dinner, occasion, holiday, lunch, day of the week, whatever, Joey is right in this instance. Tots man! 

Giveaway trivia:
1. Why does Monica refer to Joey as ‘Mario’?!
2. Why does Chandler not eat Thanksgiving food? (Hint: Even if you don’t know ‘Friends’, you’d know this if you’ve been reading these posts!)
3. Why does Monica’s big dinner burn?

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